3/19

things you shouldn't say during sex:

* Is it in yet?
* (phone rings) Hello? Oh, nothing, and you?
* Do I have to pay for this?
* You look better in the dark.
* I think that goes in the other hole…
* Hey! My mom has that same bra…
* I hope you don’t expect a raise for this…
* Hurry up, the game is about to start.
* ZzZzZz
* Are you trying to be funny?
* Can I have a ride home after this?
* Are those real?
* Is that smell coming from you?
* Haven’t you ever done this before?
* Do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
* You’re so much like your sister….
* Your mom is really cute.
* What’s your name again?
* Do I have to be here in the morning?
* A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
* But you just started!
* Don’t touch that!
* Smile for the camera, honey!
* Get your hand out of there!
* I knew you wore a padded bra!
* Cover me boys, I’m going in!
* Hold on, let me change the channel…
* Hope you don’t mind I left my boots on.
* Hurry up, the motor’s runnin’.
* Stop breathing…you’re fogging up the wind-shield.
* Stop interrupting me!
* It’s okay, honey, I can imagine that it’s bigger.
* God, I wish you were a real woman.
* Why can’t you ever shave your legs?
* How much do I owe you?
* How come we each have a penis?
* Just use your finger, its bigger.
* Does your family have to watch?
* We’ll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
* Get off me, I’ll do it myself!
* Can you hold this sandwich for me?
* Watch…my mom taught me this…
* Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours!
* Should I ask why you’re bleeding?
* I haven’t had this much sex since I was a hooker!
* Wanna see me take out my glass eye?
* Is it okay if I tell my friends about this?
* I’m sobering up and you’re getting ugly!
* You wanted me to use a condom?
* Fire in the hole!
* I wanna see how many quarters I can fit in there.
* I’m out of condoms, can I use a sock?
* Don’t squirm, you’ll spill my beer.
* You don’t sweat much for a fat chick
* Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?
* Can you take it out for a minute, I have to fart